Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.
“Pooh!” he whispered.
“Nothing,” said Piglet, taking Pooh’s paw. “I just wanted to be sure of you.”
― A.A. Milne, The House at Pooh Corner
A great quote to start this topic. Friends are very important in human life. Humans are social animals therefore, it’s compulsory to be around people and socialize with them. However, your thoughts and views do not match with everyone. It differs with age, culture, and many other factors. But when you find someone with whom you share some similarities, you bond well together and you call them friends. You share your emotions, views, and many moments of your life with them. Friendship and friends play a critical role in your happiness, health as well as greatly influence your future.
“Friendship … is born at the moment when one man says to another “What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
However, all friends are not trustworthy. Like Judas betraying Jesus, there are always those friends who betray us and there are those friends who remain true to us till the end. So, it becomes important to know which friends are worthy of your trust and who are not.
How to identify trustworthy friends over untrustworthy?
Humans are great at deceiving others however there are always cues left behind. It is very common in every relationship and friendship is not an exception. Therefore noticing the cues given to us helps to identify either a friend is trustworthy or untrustworthy. Below are some red signals of untrustworthy friends and toxic friendships that you should be aware of.
If a friend always backbites about others then it is the red signal, him or her not being a trustworthy friend. A person who backbites about others all the time will have no difficulty doing the same about you in front of others. Of course, we are human, we judge others, we like to gossip but if someone’s conversation topic is always backbiting and gossiping then, how much that friend seems to be loyal toward you, the truth is he/she is not a true friend. If someone is a true friend and has a great bonding with you then you two might be talking about the oddest shit like how your dream was horrifying and continue the same conversation for hours. Meaning, to have a great conversation, it does not have to be gossip or about someone else. Hence, backstabber is the 1st red signal of an untrustworthy friend.
You all have faced it and had that one friend, who always tries to dominate you in any conversation. For example, if you are excited about the gift that you got, that friend might say, “oh I also got a gift this week and it is expensive.” This kind of people will always try to devalue you in every case scenario. These people do this because, in reality, they are jealous. They do not like the idea of you being more valuable than them. Hence, despite accepting and acknowledging their own flaws they try to cover them up. A friend with this character is a big red sign of not being your true friend. People with this kind of nature are not only untrustworthy but they are toxic as well in friendship. This kind of people never appreciate rather brings unhealthy competition in friendship.
A person who is always full of his/herself is a narcissistic person. Many times in friendship you misunderstand these kinds of people as front going, successful, bold. In reality, a friend who always praises him/herself in any situation and never gives credit, acknowledgment to others, these types of people are narcissistic in nature. Even if they might have achieved something in their life still being friends with them will cost you mental and emotional stress. Narcissistic people tend to dominate and diminish others. So, be careful, if you are friends with one of them then probably that person will never change and can never be your true friend.
Now that you have side-lined the untrustworthy friends, you are a step closer to recognize your true friends.
What are the character traits of trustworthy friends and true friendship?
Ture friends and friendship are not only people we keep in lives because they are true to us rather it’s a companionship. They become a companion of your life. No matter how many years have passed and how long you have known each other, they will still be part of your life. Even if they live miles away from you, even if you do not meet them often yet, they always make you feel that they are part of your life. True friends will be with you on the journey of your life. Hence here are some traits to know about trustworthy friends and true friendship.
- First-person in mind
Wait… what? That’s not traits. Well hear me out, True friends are those friends who pop up in your mind first when you want to share your happiness or sadness. They pop up in your mind first because they have owned it. They are there even at 3 am when you call to say how anxious you’re feeling or how excited you are. They prioritize you in their life too, they call you back if they missed your call. These kinds of friends are loyal to you hence they are true in friendship with you.
- Best secret keeper
A true friend will always keep your secret safe no matter what. A true friend will value your secret or word as their own and respect it. They are like a safe deposit where you put your valuable stuff hiding from the world and it remains safe.
- Knows you better
True friends will know it when you are sad or happy even if you try to cover it up. They have built that emotional connection with you and they are aware when things are not going ok for you. You must have that one friend who repeatedly asked you if there was anything wrong despite you saying everything is right. These kinds of friends are true friends because they know how you are feeling and they respond to that. They care about you truly therefore wants to invest themselves even at your worst.
- Positive energy
If you have a friend who gives you positive energy, whenever you meet, motivates you when you are down, console you when you are sad, even when you are crying says nothing but gives you a shoulder to cry these friends are the ones never to lose in life. Because these friends are not only true friends but they are a positive force in your life.
- Best critic:
If your friend tells you in your face, “you fucked up” but also stands by you giving ways to get over it, that is a true friendship. Best critics criticize you but not in a diminishing way, whatever they feel they tell you. There is a big difference between people who criticize and who dismiss. You can rely on friends like this and ask directly rather than asking others who will try to ride the boat being dishonest. This does not mean people who will always criticize you is your best friend. No, evergreen critics are sick people with the never enough mentality while best critics are those who will applause for you when you do well.
To summarize friendship is a must in everybody’s life. With the internet and social media, one person now is able to have as many friends as he /she wants. However, with the bombarding numbers of social friends and mutual friendship, recognizing true friendship and trustworthy friends have become more difficult. It is important more than ever now to know who are your true friends are and who are not. Hopefully, the above tips will help you to decide and update your friend list.
Reminder !!!! "Ture Friends are those who care without hesitation, remember without limitation, forgive without any explanation, and love with even little communication." Anonyms
BE KIND, BE YOU. YOU ARE AWESOME!